and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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