i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
