the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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