We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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