Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
