i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
