That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
