He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
