His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
