I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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