his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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