Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
