I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
