dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
