I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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