my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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