i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We're not piercing ourselves today.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
All the doctor said was why
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
