You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
