like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
