i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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