im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
