Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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