you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
