I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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