And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
