okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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