She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
