It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
