if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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