theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She announced her abortion via fbk
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dear god my vagina.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
