No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
