i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
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And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
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Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
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