I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
