On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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