Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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