he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
