I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
What drink are we having for lunch?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The uberlube is also flammable
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
