We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We have started to decorate penises.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
