Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
