my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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