Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
