i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
