You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize