Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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