So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
