A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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