I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
