I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you win again, gameday.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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