Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
