i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i now understand why vodka
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
