weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
