Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
