wrigley field is MILF paradise
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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