no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
