Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
