you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
