I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
