just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.